Are We Breeding More "Entitled" Children?

The thing I look forward to the most about the holidays is catching up with friends and family and enjoying good conversations.  Focus during adult conversation is a near to impossible challenge with a 2 year old and 4 month old in the mix, so I find myself recalling interesting points of conversation and thinking about them after the fact.  My favourite time to ponder is on stroller walks (which now is the only time my 2 year old naps).

My stroller walk today had me recalling a conversation a few moms were having about entitlement in kids.  My sister-in-law (mother of 3: 7, 5 & 4yrs old) had a very interesting theory on why kids are seemingly getting more entitled these days.  Her theory comes out of the challenges she's currently experiencing with her oldest not listening to her and her realization that she has to "undo" some of her parenting style to date.  Her theory made a lot of sense to me.  The gist of the conversations was:

What are we, as parents, doing differently?  Given that our generation is waiting a lot longer to have kids - could the time lapse between our days in school and becoming parents be effecting our parenting style in a way that breeds more entitled individuals?

By the time we have kids we have been far removed from a time when we were taught and practiced listening to others and doing what we were told (without or with few choices).  Think about it.  There is so much choice that we have post-education, and when we don't have dependents we are always making decisions that suit ourselves.  When you have kids in your early 30's, you've had a good 10 years of time making and enjoying decisions for yourself.  Because of this it seems right to present our children with constant choices.

But when it comes down to it, are our children able to make decisions and weigh consequences around the constant choices we are providing them?  Not really.  And definitely not in some cases.  What's wrong with telling them what they are going to eat and making that the last word?  I know my mother watches the dinner circus and wonders this constantly!  I'm not suggesting that they never have choices.  But I do wonder if there is something to this theory that relates parents waiting longer to have kids - and therefore having more time being an individual and focusing on themselves - to a parenting style that promotes too much choice and could lead to children with an overly strong sense of entitlement.

I've vented many times about the sense of entitlement that I've experienced in junior staff.  It seems really challenging to find people who will work as hard as I did as a junior employee at an entry level salary.  I know, I know!  Now I'm sounding like the grandparent who talks about not having cars to get around in!!  But, I guess that's what happens when you get older (and wiser?).  But back to my point.  The thought that I could be breeding that entitled individual that I've complained about is a bit scary.  Our conversation led to me feeling that I need to be comfortable with putting my foot down and dictating more things that happen in our home, and not flip-flopping on my decisions when my child becomes sad or upset by my choice.  Something relevant that I read after having my first baby and have always remembered:

When you child kicks and screams when you put them in their car seat and do up the seat belt, do you give in?  No.  Never do you give in on this rule.  Therefore, there's no reason not to stick to other decisions and rules you make for the good of your child with the same vigor and determination.


That's my deep thought of the moment!  I'm definitely not a total pushover but I do think I could put some of this thinking to practice.  We'll see how it goes...

Make a Sunnybrook Baby Week - Get Busy Ladies!

Today I had a really cool and memorable opportunity to represent patients of Sunnybrook Hospital Women and Babies program by speaking at a press conference to kick off the nine month count down to the opening of their new state-of-the-art facility.  The press conference took place in the construction zone of one of the new birthing suites.

The Sunnybrook Foundation has created a fun contest around the launch of the new facility where the first family who gives birth when it opens, on September 12, 2010, will win all kinds of awesome prizes.  Prizes include a $1,000 first year wardrobe of sleepers and play-wear from Snugabye, a $500 gift certificate at Babies "R" Us, diapers for a year and more - just what you need to help with the cost of a newbie!

At the press conference I spoke about my experience having my two babies - Kate 2yrs old and Jack 3 months old - at Sunnybrook's downtown facility (Women's College Hospital).  I talked about how amazing the staff were - so knowledgeable, compassionate and supportive.  The staff are really so deserving of this incredible first class facility.  AND I've got to say that I'm so jealous of the women and families who will get to experience giving birth at the new location.  The rooms are so large.  Many of the suites have jet spa-like tubs in the bathrooms (which are also larger than the average hotel bathroom!).  Furthermore, women with uncomplicated births get to stay in the same suite that they deliver in.  You can tell that they consulted with numerous Moms in order to nail all the right features!

So get busy ladies - you need to conceive this week in order to be in the running to have the first baby born at Sunnybrook!
Full contest details

Go Ahead! Jump In The Puddles

I stumbled across this while surfing the web and really loved it - It's always good to slow down and celebrate the awesomeness of hanging with kids!

Sometimes life with children seems to be one long string of tasks, and parents lament that family times that were supposed to be fun are reduced to one more thing to do. But the fun is there to be rediscovered in the magical world of play to which young children hold the key. Entering that world with them brings opportunities to discover a new point of view and to strengthen family ties.

Another View of Time

While adults are worrying about the past and planning the future, children at play are absorbed in the present. They are more interested in looking at the rainbows in the oil slick on a puddle than in getting somewhere on time. This can be frustrating, but in fact there are benefits to slowing down to child-speed. Many stress reduction techniques are based on the principle of focusing in the moment in order to relax from the constant pressures of daily life. Of course, some things do need to get done, but not always right away. If you can put aside your list of things to do for even a short time, you can think of your children’s invitation to spontaneous play as your private, in-home, stress-reduction program.

Taken from: Parents at Play

by Betsy Mann

And For My Next Trick...

Breast feeding and navigating the needs of a 3 month old while entertaining, feeding and negotiating with a 2 year old is one of the more interesting, not to mention insane, challenges I've ever taken on.  Many of the "house rules" - and things I watched other mothers do while saying to myself "I'll never do that" - have completely been tossed out the window (I'm sorry for any judgement - it was sheer ignorance).  Things on this list include:

1. Eating in front of the TV - We now have an easy path cleared for my 2 year olds high chair to be slid across the kitchen floor to in front of the TV (conveniently located on the kitchen counter).
2. Going to bed without a bath - skipping bath time isn't going to harm anyone, but bath time for my daughter and I is more about "our time".  Fun time where we play and laugh and she has my complete and undivided attention (no blackberry or laptop in the bathroom!).
3. Getting outside everyday - Something I try very hard to make happen as it's one of those Mind, Body and Spirit things that helps keep me sane and is equally beneficial for my daughter.
4. Cookies - They are used and abused now for negotiating good behaviour and keeping her occupied while I'm focused on the lil' guy.  I now have my own version of the infamous cookie monster and it's not pretty when she's banging on the cupboard yelling "Cauleiss" (that's cookies by the way).

Somehow out of all the craziness comes clarity for what's most important.  Why do I worry about the things that have started to slip?  Because I want to ensure that I'm doing everything possible to encourage my kids growth and development and keep them engaged in learning.

When Leapfrog approached me to be a "Leapfrog Mom" I was really excited.  Not because I need to take something else on!  But because I'm really interested in ways that I can introduce more learning into our day through exciting my kids interests and passions.

The role met multiple needs for me including:

• Staying connected with my mom friends by hosting Leapfrog Playdates where we can hang out and enjoy catching up while our kids play with some of the latest and greatest Leapfrog toys.
• Connecting with my community by making a donation to a local community organization of Leapfrog toys (perfect since I'll be joining my local co-op daycare board).
• And finally, making a commitment to myself and my kids to get to know great tools and tactics that help foster their learning pre-school and on-going.
• One more thing!  They have a Learning Path set-up on line for anyone to sign-up for that's really easy to follow and helps identify interests to explore as well as struggles that need attention.

Since pre-schoolers are just one focus for Leapfrog toys, as their product range covers kids 6 months through to 8 years, I decided my first Leapfrog party (notice I've re-named "play date" to party:) will be December 22nd - when schools out and moms are looking for some sanity before the insanity of family holidays.  I'll follow-up with all the details about the party and how it went but I'll tell you now that it includes Mimosas - yes, I know Moms!  And lot's of great toys to play and interact with - yes, I know kids too.  Best part of all, the toys get to be taken home by lucky guests.  All the tools for the perfect holiday (play date) party!

Should i be concerned that I'm setting a new standard for our play dates in the future??

In the mean time my 2 yr old is loving playing with "Scout" who we've programed to say her name every time we turn him on, sing songs with her name in them and talk about her favourite things (cookies and the colour green).  He's quite awesome.  I must admit I wasn't that keen on him at first as I like toys that fit into my decor a little better (he's bright green!) but, since his lullaby actually sent her to sleep last night, after many nights of crying, he's my new best friend:)

Life As a Baby Mama

Wow!  What did I do without not one, but two kids?  How life has changed in two years.  I feel smarter in a very different way than I would have defined "smart" previously.  Recently, as I approach my daughters 2nd birthday (and my son's 3 month birthday), i've been reflecting on learnings and changes I've made to accommodate and improve life as a "Baby Mama" and wife.

1. Get Greener.  I read two great green books I commonly refer back to called "Healthy Child Healthy World" http://healthychild.org/ and "the green book - The Everyday Guide To Saving The Planet One Simple Step At A Time".  They make getting green very common sense and provide easy tips to help reduce toxins in our kids and our lives.  I feel really good about the changes I've made such as: cleaning products, shoes off in the house, reduction in plastics and processed items.  Small things that make me feel better about what I can control in my kids lives.
2. Shut Up.  Sometimes.  I've learnt to TRY to not over-direct my husband on how to take care of our kids.  It's hard because as mothers we spend so much time with our kids and let's face it, we just do things differently and think things through in different ways than the male species.  As newish parents we over worry about things and need to chill and let different parenting styles shine through without constant comments.  This is much harder than you think (and goes both ways).
3. Stand Up.  To the people around you who, with the best intentions, pressure you to do things or be places.  I now try to make decisions for me and my family first as I have a tendency to want to say yes to everyone.  Yes, this means I miss out on some fun occasions I used to look forward to, but the effort that is now required to make some of these things happen is just not always worth it.  Bottom line, it's okay to say no thanks to things you used to jump at.  It's better to under-promise and surprise than over-promise and disappoint (which leads to guilt and who needs more of that!?)
4. Pre-Prepared Food.  Too much take-out led me to discover some great local places that sell pre-prepared foods that are much tastier, cheaper and have way better ingredients with fewer additives than freezer food from the supermarket and take-out.  My fav's: Pusatari's, Summer Hill Market, Urban Fare.  Requires some planning but you can scoop a weeks worth of dinners in one trip vs. the dreaded "what are we doing for dinner" at 8pm with a bare fridge and zero energy.
5. Don't Hermit.  Reaching out to connect with friends is worth the effort.  The beauty of our generation is this is easier than a time when face to face was the only option!  There are so many ways to stay connected there's really little excuse to not reach out to close friends somewhat frequently - whether it be by email, facebook, phone or in person.  I'm not a huge "facebooker" but it's so great to see new posts with pictures of friends and their families and make comments back and forth.  I've also enjoyed sharing and chatting with total strangers on twitter.  It's a great place to connect with other moms on common themes.
6. Work is good.  For me.  Life as a mom is riddled with guilt so why not up the ante and throw work into the mix!  I get a lot out of my work life and feel really empowered to be keeping up with work now that I have kids.  Some days are harder than others but in general it makes me feel whole and hey! money is required to travel and do other things that are fulfilling to me.