My stroller walk today had me recalling a conversation a few moms were having about entitlement in kids. My sister-in-law (mother of 3: 7, 5 & 4yrs old) had a very interesting theory on why kids are seemingly getting more entitled these days. Her theory comes out of the challenges she's currently experiencing with her oldest not listening to her and her realization that she has to "undo" some of her parenting style to date. Her theory made a lot of sense to me. The gist of the conversations was:
What are we, as parents, doing differently? Given that our generation is waiting a lot longer to have kids - could the time lapse between our days in school and becoming parents be effecting our parenting style in a way that breeds more entitled individuals?
By the time we have kids we have been far removed from a time when we were taught and practiced listening to others and doing what we were told (without or with few choices). Think about it. There is so much choice that we have post-education, and when we don't have dependents we are always making decisions that suit ourselves. When you have kids in your early 30's, you've had a good 10 years of time making and enjoying decisions for yourself. Because of this it seems right to present our children with constant choices.
But when it comes down to it, are our children able to make decisions and weigh consequences around the constant choices we are providing them? Not really. And definitely not in some cases. What's wrong with telling them what they are going to eat and making that the last word? I know my mother watches the dinner circus and wonders this constantly! I'm not suggesting that they never have choices. But I do wonder if there is something to this theory that relates parents waiting longer to have kids - and therefore having more time being an individual and focusing on themselves - to a parenting style that promotes too much choice and could lead to children with an overly strong sense of entitlement.
I've vented many times about the sense of entitlement that I've experienced in junior staff. It seems really challenging to find people who will work as hard as I did as a junior employee at an entry level salary. I know, I know! Now I'm sounding like the grandparent who talks about not having cars to get around in!! But, I guess that's what happens when you get older (and wiser?). But back to my point. The thought that I could be breeding that entitled individual that I've complained about is a bit scary. Our conversation led to me feeling that I need to be comfortable with putting my foot down and dictating more things that happen in our home, and not flip-flopping on my decisions when my child becomes sad or upset by my choice. Something relevant that I read after having my first baby and have always remembered:
When you child kicks and screams when you put them in their car seat and do up the seat belt, do you give in? No. Never do you give in on this rule. Therefore, there's no reason not to stick to other decisions and rules you make for the good of your child with the same vigor and determination.
That's my deep thought of the moment! I'm definitely not a total pushover but I do think I could put some of this thinking to practice. We'll see how it goes...
